Van Gough

phewwww (that's me letting out a BIG exhale)

It's been a while since I've posted so let me update you quickly on how it's been: a big mix of good and bad. Since the whole myshinsfeelliketheyarescreaming episode, I took to doing 50 minutes of the eliptical and elipticalstairsteppercraziness (I love that machine) after my yoga class Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Which felt great (p.s. love getting back to yoga!).

My dad recieved a call from a good runner friend who had terrible shin splints in high school and cured them forever with orthapedic inserts. So for my last two runs (last night and tonight) I ran with my dad's pair to see if anything changed. The results are inconclusive at this point (I have some pain but it doesn't feel as bad) but I'm hopeful... I'll keep you updated.

These last two runs have been glorious. We've established that I love running at night. Check. But I had forgotten how great it is to run with music (I haven't since probably mid March). I had ALSO forgotten just how good it is to run when you can't deal with the world anymore. The stars aligned and all three elements were present. I've created an awesome running mix that includes everything from tribal beats to Christian to musicals to pop to oldies to country to R&B to acapella. All I need is a prominent beat. Honestly "Unwritten" plays right next to "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" followed by "Troublemaker." Anyone who knows me knows such a playlist pretty much sums up my tastes. Of course on nights like tonight I skip "Somebody Like You" and "Perfect Day" in favor of "Shut Up" and "Hate Every Beautiful Day" which only makes me run harder. I knew it was time for a late night run when I was so lost in my own head that I didn't even know which way was up. The combination of stress + PMS + being homesick for Gordon = major need for endorphins. I still don't feel great but I certainly feel better.

Last night I lasted about 15 minutes before needing to stop (I'd like to justify myself to you (and by you, I mean me) by saying that I went out really fast-- I had a lot of anxious energy pent up) and then walked for a couple minutes and ran another 7, walked 2, and ran another 5. Not impressive, but... ready for this? ...

...running felt good for the first time in a LONG time. So I'll take my stop and go pace.

Tonight I ran around each circle in my neighborhood at a really decent pace and arrived back home without looking at my time (once I look the first time, I count every passing second. Excruciating). I was literally smiling as I ran up to my driveway, thinking "I made it the whole way without stopping and I feel like I could keep going!" Well, turns out it had only been 20 minutes, so I stretched for 3 minutes (acknowledging some pain in my knee and shin) and talked myself fairly easily to run for another 20. I'm so glad I did. My pace slowed down a bit-- at one point I think I probably looked like a waddling penguin (embarrassed, I quickly picked up the pace!) but it felt like a great workout (and it was full of uphills and downhills!). The last song that played as I headed home was "Fire Burning" which naturally made me smile and run with a spring in my step, thinking of my WE staff.

For those of you looking for encouragement and not a downer-blog, here's something: You can do it. Honestly. If I can run for 40 minutes carrying around a few pounds of lard you can do whatever it is that you're up against. I have this quote on the wallpaper of my phone that reads "If you hear a voice within you saying "You are not a painter, then by all means paint... and the voice will be silenced" -Vincent Van Gough. Own that. I think it's unbelievably motivating to realize the power we have to shape the people we are. I believe in a Creator who designed us uniquely and is ultimately sovereign so I'm not an advocate of self-help salvation, but in some ways we really do control our destiny. God gave us free will and the brains, bodies, hearts, and souls to perceive what is good and the recources to chase that. How cool is that?